The panic would set in and my mind raced.

My heart feeling like it was going to beat out of my chest, the cold sweats and the uncontrollable shaking.

I remember thinking,

Why? Why, me?

I never thought this could happen in real life.

This is like something out of a movie.

How could both parents abandon me?

How could my adult relationships follow the same abusive patterns?

Why am I alone?

Why was I never enough?

How did I let my life get to this point?

Abuse, homelessness, more abuse, bulimia, cheating, promiscuity, being a single mom with no money, more abuse and the list goes on.

One bad situation after another and nobody to turn to.

How in the world am I going to survive this?

I can't do this anymore as I shoved the handful of pills into my mouth and chugged almost a whole bottle of vodka before I drifted into numbness.

This is my story of physical and emotional abuse, my desperate attempts to be loved and the chain of events that made me who I am today.

I made it.