In this highly original and hilarious first novel by Mark Hubbard, the peace and tranquility of the Dinc Valley in the Southwest of England is shattered when Dinctum Village Youth Club crosses swords with a primary school head, hell-bent on shutting them down. Used to getting her own way, Agnes Braintree has suffered abuse and humiliation throughout her teaching career, and the time has come for her to take some action. Prompted by a very public display of cheek from a junior youth club member, out of his tiny little mind on vodka, Agnes sets out to force the club's closure using any means she can. However, senior club members prove to be more than a match, coming up with a cunning plan to bring about her downfall. After a promising start, events spiral out of control until the armed forces must be deployed to restore peace. Cars are set on fire; a house is blown to smithereens, ferrets are raced, cows sing, missiles are launched, and a frog croaks. Featuring a cast of eccentric landowners, doddering members of parliament, and a doctor who builds rockets flown by hamsters, this laugh-out-loud, action-packed fiction culminates in showdown with explosive consequences.